I'm addicted.

Hi, my name is Robin and I’m addicted to energy work. Many times along my healing journey, I’ve been forced to face facets of my personality I’d rather not address. During the past three years, I’ve uncovered a few other things I have an unhealthy relationship with and have been working on releasing the grip. But I also learned recently that I am addicted to the way that the act of healing makes me feel. As I’ve discovered, healing can take place through many modalities: energy work, meditation, cupping, massage, body talk, Reiki, you name it I’ve probably tried it (or want to). Healing can also take place through exercises you do on your own that involve identifying your limiting beliefs, subconscious patterns, forgiving others, and forgiving yourself, just to name a few. There’s nothing wrong with any of these modalities or me wanting to do the work. However, the issue lies in what I’m avoiding by engaging in these activities at the level I was for a while.

Rather quickly I discovered my favorites in this game we call life. I love, LOVE meditation and energy work. I love the connection to the Universal energy. With both of these, I can float off into the ethers and feel the love and support of the Universe. I feel light, free, and insights come to me easily. I forget the troubles of the world, my world for a bit. I feel connected, special and I can easily access the answers to any questions I may have. Then, enter reality. Oh reality. This place where many times, I’m ungrounded, uncentered, and not in touch with my feelings. This place where I can feel foreign and lost. This place that I’d rather ignore for a bit. See, for most of my life I felt like I didn’t belong here. I felt foreign and odd and like I was supposed to be somewhere else. Since we are all souls living out this lifetime in these borrowed bodies we drive around in, many of us feel very at home when we are accessing universal energy and perhaps not so much so when we are engaging in “real” life. While in this space of pure energy, we are free from the duality of this world, we feel at peace, we feel love and loved.

But I’m learning that old saying “too much of a good thing” is really true. I recently started an 8-week healing series with a lovely woman. She told me at the beginning to refrain from any other energy work during my time with her. I listened, I agreed but then some part of me started with the justifications. Oh, it’s ok, “this” is different. “This” can’t be what she was talking about. “This” activity I’m doing is probably ok. She won’t be able to tell. Well, guess what, I was dead wrong. During my fourth session with her last week, there was a glitch in the matrix 😊 After she told me again to avoid other things and the stark reality of not doing ANY other healing for another 5 weeks kicked in, I thought I might lose my shit. How else am I going to feel better when I feel like shit? How else will I get through this boring ass Earth some days? How else will I heal and fix myself in record time? I had this thought that there was no way I could do this. I knew I had to go to meditation or sneak in some other workshop or workbook or healing exercise. Talking to my bestie allowed me to see the gift in it. This forcing me to slow down. To accept what is. To be in touch with my emotions.

Because if there is anything I’m still really good at, it’s avoiding my emotions! Meditation removes us from the emotions of this 3d world, it takes us to where everyone is love and light, pure and good. We get to take a break from egos, ulterior motives, karmic cycles and the like. When I find myself back in this 3d business, I feel like I am again in this foreign country called Earth. I am challenged to be with the emotions I don’t like: jealousy, insecurity, anger, irritation, boredom, anxiety, and fear. I am encouraged to be a full participant in life, here and now, good and bad. I am triggered again and again by shit that I felt like I’ve healed 8 million times, only to have another layer come up when I lest expect it. And this time, I can’t really run away from it. In this moment, I am being forced yet again to my next level of growth – loving, accepting and appreciating what arises for me. I am forced to sit with who I am in this very moment. I am forced to acknowledge that life is a journey and I’ll never find myself in one moment cured of my less than desirable traits. And honestly, that’s ok because I’m learning that I’m ok exactly where I am in any given moment. Oh, and if I’m never completely healed, I’ve always got somewhere new and exciting to go (the Big Guy knows I wouldn’t want to be bored).