As human beings, a LOT of our growth comes from interpersonal relationships. When we take time to look at our first community—our family—it can shed a lot of light on our patterns.
When I reflect on my early upbringing, I realize it was surrounded by criticism, judgment and an overall mistrust of people. I was taught to notice what was wrong with people, places, and situations—and then to commentate loudly and, often, a bit harshly about those "flaws." Positive praise or words of encouragement were rare in my household, and based on what little I know, I suspect my parents didn’t receive much of that growing up either.
Because of this, I came to see the world and the people around me through a negative lens. In my young adulthood, it was hard for me to find or offer words of praise to others—let alone to myself. I didn't really trust a lot of people, and especially not myself. My internal voice, shaped by the energy dynamics of my childhood, became a relentless critic: "You're not doing enough. You're not good enough. You can't trust people." Over time, I realized that the person most hurt by this constant stream of negativity was me.
The Challenges of Connection
Because of the trauma I carried from my early years, forming deep connections was difficult for a long time. Trusting people felt risky, and as someone who is energetically sensitive, being around people or a lot of energy often left me overwhelmed. My nervous system would short-circuit, leaving me unable to stay grounded or present enough to truly connect.
About four years ago, I decided it was time to dive deeper into understanding these dynamics. I asked the Universe for help healing these wounds and found myself in various groups, relationships, and situations that supported my growth. Over time, I began to see the beauty and perfection in everyone—including those who had hurt me. I realized that even the most challenging people are often just doing the best they can with the trauma and conditioning they’ve inherited.
This shift in perspective also helped me make decisions about who I wanted in my life. I let go of relationships that didn’t feel good or aligned with the person I wanted to be.
Shifting the Lens
As I grew older, I began to challenge these patterns and shift how I approached relationships. Slowly, I started noticing the beauty in the people around me rather than zeroing in on what I thought was "wrong" with them. One of the most transformative lessons I’ve learned is this: whatever we focus on grows.
By intentionally seeing, praising, and acknowledging the positive qualities in others, I not only allowed them to shine but also strengthened our connections. Today, I’m mindful about sharing these insights with the people I care about. It’s become incredibly important to me that the people in my life know how much I appreciate them—not just for their presence but also for their unique qualities.
Turning the Kindness Inward
As my relationships with others improved, I found myself surrounded by the most amazing, supportive people. I became more vocal about my appreciation for them, choosing to focus on their wonderful qualities instead of fixating on their perceived flaws.
But one relationship remained a struggle: my relationship with myself. My inner voice was still harsh, often cruel. It told me things I would never tolerate from another person: "You're screwing everything up. You're not good enough. You're not attractive enough. No one will like you." If someone outside of me had spoken to me this way, I would have punched them in the face. Okay, not really, but it’s a decent visual!
Recognizing the damage this inner voice was causing; I made it a priority to shift that energy. It hasn't easy and isn't happening overnight. Sometimes, at first, my negative thoughts will still come up, but now I am intercepting them and consciously replacing them with something kinder or more supportive.
On some days, I still slip up, but I am learning more and more to bring compassion and grace to myself. Unraveling these deeply ingrained patterns and programming has been a process, but each small step has brought me closer to a more loving and supportive relationship with myself.
3 Things You Can Do to Improve Your Connections
Understand Your "Wiring"
Consider getting an astrology reading to better understand how you naturally communicate and the energetic dynamics of your internal dialogue and wounds. For instance, I have an energy in my chart than can be likened to a marine drill sergeant. And it just so happens that I know someone fabulous who does AMAZING readings. (wink, wink). If you’re not sure who I mean – it’s me! You can find a link below.
Reflect on Your Early Influences
Look at the patterns your parents, siblings, and grandparents struggled with in their relationships to themselves and others. This can provide valuable insight into your own dynamics.
Tune Into Your Inner Voice
Start paying attention to what your internal voice says about yourself and others. When you notice negativity, practice shifting it to something more compassionate and supportive. You can even start to write down the frequent thoughts or words that you say. As annoying as this is, it just takes time, focus and determination to acknowledge and shift these energies.
"Contemplation Station" :)
"How have your early experiences shaped how you see yourself and others? What practices have helped you build healthier connections?" "What are some things you would like to continue to work on moving forward?"
In case no one has told you today - I think you are fabulous, beautiful and an amazing ball of magical unicorn glitter!
xoxo Robin
Book a session to uncover your gifts, talents and challenges!
Or, if you want to share your contemplation station privately, message me here -----Spiritual growth | Shed Some Light On It
Comments